Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism Paperback – August 7, 2003

"Try to hold yourself above the fray." ~ Sandy Hotchkiss"Why is it always about You?" is an intriguing book about what is quickly becoming a societal norm. It is very likely that you are surrounded by narcissists. With that said, this is not really a book designed to protect you from violent narcissists. This is more about people who love to talk about themselves obsessively, want control and have no real concern for the well-being of others. The people described in this book have an agenda and it is all about their success not yours.The seven deadly sins of narcissism include: shamelessness, magical thinking, arrogance, envy, entitlement, exploitation and bad boundaries.Sandy Hotchkiss seems to have an incredible understanding of why people become narcissists. She fully describes the developmental phases a child goes through. There is also a chapter on narcissistic parents and how they influence a child's ability to manage shame. Apparently lots of narcissists are trying to avoid shame as adults. This plays out in a very interesting way when they become managers later in life. Susan Hotchkiss gives great advice for surviving in the workplace. She explores setting boundaries and explains how you should treat the narcissist after you understand their weaknesses."How much can you give in a relationship that offers so little reciprocity? The aging Narcissist will put you to the test." ~ pg. 85If you have been dealing with narcissistic parents all your life then you may appreciate the chapter on the aging narcissist. Sandy Hotchkiss describes this as an extremely aggravating and exhausting ordeal. She explains how you should be loving and expect less in return. Since you are not going to get the emotional support you need from your parents you should seek this elsewhere.I thought this book had a lot of good advice, especially the sections on setting boundaries. A lot of this book describes "survival" strategies. If you are however in a violent relationship this book might not help you. I'd advice you to seek other help immediately.I rarely read a book twice but this book was an exception. I will probably read it quite a few more times because it is that good.I can also highly recommend:Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic ParentsDisarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed~The Rebecca ReviewP.S. I just bought myself another copy and it looks like maybe it is printed on better paper. The first copy I got has yellowed with age. I'm also getting a copy to send to a friend. I enjoyed reading this again in 2021 and now have a brand-new copy for a third reading. This book is still one of the best on the subject and deserves frequent readings.

I loved reading this book because I learned so much! As a child of two narcissistic parents (and narcissistic sister) this wonderful book provided me with much-needed answers! You will learn just how these evil narcissists operate and how some children of narcissists will become narcissists, too. Narcissists don't really have consciences, and therefore, they lack natural, human compassion. Any show of compassion or affection is just acting. You are a means to an end for the narcissist. Everything is about them. Even if something is about another person, the narcissist will make it about him/herself by twisting, lying, or trying to shine the limelight on his/herself. Anything you yourself accomplish or any good thing that happens in your life will be envied by the narcissists. When you're going through a rough time, they will rejoice because they now feel that they are superior to you. They are so filled with contempt, they may even kick you extra when you're down. Their narcissistic web knows no limits. They will ensnare you when you are needed (their narcissistic "supply") and discard or ignore you when you serve no purpose for them at the time. Narcissists like to play mind games at your expense. There is not much hope for narcissists, since, in order for them to accept help, they would have to admit there is something wrong with them. And, that my friends, will probably never happen. Narcissists believe they are superior to others. They are never wrong. They will never apologize for anything. The author gives detailed information on how to contend with these people if you want or need to keep them in your life. If you are dealing with toxic narcissists, you may want to exclude them from your life for your own peace and emotional healing. You will never win with a narcissist. They will always get the last word.