Why Gender Matters, Second Edition: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences

I cannot recommend this highly enough. It is well researched and presented by an experienced, caring, authority; not just one man's crusade. The factual research and conclusions are vital to countering what is harmful falsehood being embraced by many and hurting children and young people.

An outstanding book on the differences in how boys and girls learn and develop, appropriate parenting techniques, and how to help them live up to their potential and become happy/productive adults. I had a few specific disagreements, despite my overall appreciation for this work. First, his overall view of the differences in the sexes. Sax says "Here are some examples of false beliefs about gender differences: * Boys are "naturally" better at math and science than girls are. * Girls are "naturally" more emotional than boys are. * Girls are "naturally" collaborative, while boys are competitive." I don't like this phrasing of gender differences. These statements might in fact be literally false as claimed, but certainly give a misleading impression of the typical differerences between males and females. I like the argument made by Baron-Cohen in his book, The Essential Difference, that on average male brains are optimized for systems, and female brains are optimized for empathy. Baron-Cohen's explanation fits the observed facts and research better than anything else I've seen, and would be a better overview than putting up some straw men to knock down like this, while ignoring the overall reality. With regard to competition, all of the studies I've seen show that competition is a significant incentive for boys but has no effect for girls. Ironically, both of the best-practives examples he cites from master classes for boys involve competition :-) Second, Sax echoes the educationist's mantra that "Almost every child is a gifted child." This seems ludicrous to me. The definition of gifted is top 3-5% on some dimension of human ability. There just aren't enough independent dimensions here for almost everyone to be gifted in some way. I would argue that the main three dimension are athleticism, cognition, and empathy. Most other dimesions have a fair amount of correlation with one or more of these, with musically gifted people typically also cognitively gifted, etc. You might come up with a few more (memory ability doesn't seem to be correlated with cognitive ability, for example), but "almost everyone"? I wouldn't think that more that 20-25% of the population would be gifted regardless of the number of dimensions you chose to measure, and that most of these "gifts" would not be related to academic ability in any way. The harm from this belief that "all children are gifted" comes when you then say that because everyone is gifted, everyone can be treated the same way. To his credit, Sax doesn't draw this conclusion, but is all too common -- my son went to Stuart Hall, one of the schools used by Sax as an example of best-practices teaching for boys, and I heard both of these statements from them (e.g. "everyone is gifted" and "we have the same program for everyone" and "even though your son has an IQ in the top 1% that doesn't mean he is more gifted intellectually than anyone else or could use any special help academically"). Particularly for children who are cognitively gifted, not having an appreciation for their learning differences in a classroom setting can often have long-term detrimental effects. (I see cognitively gifted chilren in a typical classroom as an unfortunate minority. They are not getting what they need to thrive.) Sax also echoes the desire to have more scientific career paths open to women, that there might still be social/teaching/peer pressures that contribute to the career choices made by women when more of them might actually prefer traditionally male professions. Could be, but there is no scientific evidence that supports this in any way, and there is a fair body of evidence that refutes it. There is also the fact of the difference in the tails of the male/female cognitive distributions: men have a higher standard deviation than women, so there are many more very bright men that women at the extreme high end of the tail, just as there are many more dull men at the low end of the scale. I also am not so convinced that single-sex schools are a good thing. My son went to Stuart Hall, an all-boys school in San Francisco, and the kids do band together against the teachers. This opposition can be quite intense. On the one hand, I suppose this is good for socialization, and my son is quite capable socially. On the other hand, it is not a good atmosphere for academics, learning appropriate behavior, or in terms of learning to relate with adults. I'm sure a lot of our issues had to do with the quality of the school overall and their standard of discipline, and I've never had a son go through the early years in a coed school, but I'm still concerned based on my experience. The rest of the book is all good, and highly recommended! (I looked at the one previous review before I wrote this, which had a number of complaints about Sax's parenting technique recommendations, and I don't agree with these criticisms. A careful reading of what Sax actually says refutes all of these concerns, as far as I can see.)

I am so grateful for this book. It was like a brilliant floodlight illuminating so many things about my boys that I hadn't been able to understand. I now ask my boys "what did you do today?" Instead of asking them how they felt about the day and, miracle of miracles, I actually get answers. I have utilized their need for competition to get socks folded, dinner made, the yard cleaned up and groceries shopped for. I let them keep score and NEVER say anymore - "oh, everybody was a winner!" They love it. I love it. How simple. I also am more tolerant of their rough housing. I never understood it before and I tried to stop it all the time. Now I let them go more often and I can see how much closer they are after a session of wrestling. They laugh and trash talk "is that all you've got!" and then they have this sudden, unspoken truce where they will both be smiling like anything. Brilliant. I still cannot bring myself to spank any of my kids, but I did not hesitate to grab one by the arm and direct him bodily to a chair (8 yrs old) when he was given a time out after reading this book. I understand why they love race cars (they actually see more with movement) and warrior stories (victory, defeat, winners, losers, heroes, physical effort.) I also understand why my husband gets so loud sometimes... I showed him the section on hearing and told him, my hearing is better than yours, you don't have to talk that loud for me to hear you, please tone it down ... and he did!! ... I love my boys so much. Thank you, Dr. Sax for helping me to understand them better.

First off, let me say that I enjoyed this book. It provides a ton of interesting insights in the psychological differences of boys and girls, and it definitely opened my eyes to not only the significance of gender, but the importance as well. You don't have to be a psychology major to appreciate the book either. Let me also say this book was written to educate parents and teachers about the role of gender in children ranging from 1-18. Even in the book Leonardo assumes that his reader is at least 25 years of age. Since I am a 17 year old guy, I was interested (and a little surprised) in what Leonardo thought about kids my age and the high school environment. Don't get me wrong, there's allot to love about this book, but I felt like he overgeneralized adolescent males to be aggressive, impulsive, sex obsessed, and emotionally disconnected from how others feel. The teenage guys he was describing sounded more like juvenile delinquents to me. He consults families with delinquents all the time, so I supposed I can understand his generalization. Apparently, he also cites a study in which a large majority of "normal" college guys found sexual fantasies of rape to be arousing, which I find extremely fishy. Being a senior in a private co-ed high school, I can also say that I also agree with most of what he said about the high school scene, even though the description seemed to fit more for a poor public high school. The most interesting tidbit of information in that chapter was the study taken on highs school relationships. The study concluded that the average relationship lasted "11 weeks, 2 weeks of infatuation, 4 weeks of relative happiness, and 5 weeks of general disintegration". That definitely agreed with my experience of what I see, and most I know about last even less than that. He also makes it sound like sex is rampant in high school by citing studies showing that around 50% of kids have sex by the time they graduate. My perspective: it really depends on the school. I found that some of his opinions you have to take with a grain of salt. He also devotes a large section of the book to discipline and talks about the different ways of punishing girls and boys according to their psychological orientation. Even though this was my least favorite part of the book, there was a plethora of interesting stuff to learn about. However, I found Leonardo's suggestion to parents that they should monitor their kids email, instant messaging, and track their location with a GPS watch simply absurd. Part of a healthy relationship between a child and a parent is TRUST. If you don't have that, you can throw the whole relationship away. That kind of suggestion should be left to parents who have kids that are drug addicts or alcoholics. The Verdict: Buy the book, it's an interesting read. If you are into gender studies you will love it, but take some of his opinions lightly.

If you teach, you need this information! I have taught special ed for 21 years, and have taught religious classes to children and teens for 36 years. Knowing the information in this book could have saved me time and trouble! I have been able to immediately put this information to use, to help a traumatized little boy and to encourage a bullied little girl. This book had answers to situations I have puzzled over for years. The author gives only pertinent details- densely packed information in a readable style. No fluff to waste your time. And he addresses popular theories that disagree with his experience . If you want to be ineffective and continue to be frustrated in teaching, read what is politically correct. If you want to know how to actually reach kids and help them reach their potential (and make classroom management easier) then read this instead!

I title this review as such, for two reasons. First, anyone who knows me, understands that I am a believer in Christ and may assume that this book deals with the spiritual side of the gender issue. It is far from that. This book is written by a psychologist, who is tackling the topic from a scientific and biological point of view. It is highly valuable in that regard. Second, I labeled it as such because I want those reading my review to know that there are many items in the book that I do not agree with from a biblical standpoint. I read this book for the value mentioned above and understand that man can err in his assessment when it goes against what God has said in His Word. Finally, if you are still reading, I will say that I do not recommend this book to everyone. It will take a mature reader to see what is valuable and what is to be avoided. There is much good here and a wise parent, leader, seeker can search out the beneficial treasures, avoiding the hazards and trip ups that the philosophies of the world tend to snare us with.

This is one of the most valuable books I have read and I hope it has a large audience because it can make the world better. The author embraces the differences among boys and among girls and embraces homosexuality as a normal variant while showing with overwhelming scholarly evidence that boys and girls are different. One must read the entire book starting at the beginning to understand its points. It is a message that our society needs to learn.

Eye opening. Amazing book. Well written, easy to follow and understand. Lots of clear data and achievable recommendations that apply to every child. One of the most important books of the 21st century. Essential for all parents and teachers. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of this book.

What every parents and every teacher in every schools should know about boys and girls. Their differences taken into consideration in order to actually promote strong young men and women.

As a homeschooling mama with a boy and girl the same age this book is helping sooooo much. I thought I understood some of the differences before but this... this is a whole 'nother level

This book is insightful and thorough in giving clarity on behavioral differences in genders.

I started it on audible but I need to study these chapters. It has blown me away. It’s a must read for every member that constitutes today’s society.

This book, as well as Leonard Sax's "Boys Adrift" and "Girls on the Edge", have completely changed my approach to teaching, begginning 6 years ago when I first read Boys Adrift. As a result, the boys in my class have soared and the girls with them. It has also changed my views on parenting, as the father of a 3 year old. I wouldn't recommended if it wasn't worth the time to read. I have read it 4 times thus far.